IDK

Okay, seriously, I have so many things going through my mind right now that is totally stressing me out to the point that I cannot sleep......The bad thing is that it isn't just one, two, or even a few things....it's everything!!! I start thinking of one thing, stress out over it and try to think of how to get through it and then that reminds me of something else and so on......IDK what the hell I am going to do with my mind. The Bi-Polar is kicking my ass, so is the panic/anxiety disorder.....then, you add in the Agoraphobia and I start totally freaking.....adding to all that, my pain levels are high and my meds aren't working correctly..... I am worrying about a lot of my friends and family. I wonder how so many people in a family can be so far apart and how they lie to each other and are two-faced and could give a shit about one another.....it seems that I am closer to friends I have never met than I am to most of my family. Then, you have the part that many in my family either don't believe in my diagnosed illnesses or they don't care and they are just plain sick of it. Then, two attorneys that are absolutely shocked that Social Security denied me with all my medical problems....and now there is nothing I can do, so we are strapped for money forever now. How are we going to live like this, seriously? Then, I can't go to the Doctors I need to go to because of the large deductible I have monthly, so I have things that aren't being treated properly. It's starting to really piss me off. OMG, my mind is going a million miles per minute and now I have to stop typing because I can't hold my arms up any longer because of the pain. Oh well...who cares anyways.....this is just for my benefit to just vent a bit at 3am.....UGH

Frustrated about trying to quit smoking....

Okay, so they come out with this "newer" way to help you quit smoking...Chantix. Well, hubby and I went to the Dr and we both asked for it...his mother passed from throat cancer, and 4 generations in a row in my fam have all passed from lung cancer....so, obviously I want to quit smoking.

I have tried literally everything they have had out there with the exception of: accupuncture (my Dr. doesn't think it would work for me), hypnotism, and Chantix. Other than those, I have tried the gum, meds, cutting down, cold turkey, etc......NONE have worked.

So, anyway, we talked to our Dr about the Chantix and she says hubby can go on it, but I cannot at this time because of other meds I am on from other Doctors. So, I have the other Doctors call my Dr. to see if we can get around it somehow, someway....including taking me off of one or more of my meds for the time being. I have known about 30 people that have been able to quit using Chantix, well, I guess it would be 29, it didn't work with 1 of them. So, I was looking forward to something that would help me.

Okay, hubby has it, but doesn't want to start it until I speak to my other Doctors to see which meds it will affect. Maybe there will be a way I can still do it once I speak with them. I sure hope so. I really, really, really, really WANT, NEED, HAVE TO quit!!

I haven't been able to do it on my own. I can't stand the way it smells on EVERYTHING, can't stand smoke in my face, can't stand the taste, etc....so, why can't I quit on my own?

Well, hopefully, within the next few weeks, I will have this worked out!! We have NO income coming in right now and also can't afford it, so, there are SO many reasons to quit, the main one is that I WANT TO!

So, what to do now??????? I wish that meds weren't so difficult!!

First Blog...explaining which blog this will be...

Okay, I am creating this for my own personal venting, thoughts, etc... I will be creating another blog about my Fibromyalgia, another about my Bi-Polar, panic/anxiety disorder, etc, and also one on my thoughts and questions about things going on within this world.......... So, I guess I will start once I get things all set up! Talk to you soon....:)