IDK

Okay, seriously, I have so many things going through my mind right now that is totally stressing me out to the point that I cannot sleep......The bad thing is that it isn't just one, two, or even a few things....it's everything!!! I start thinking of one thing, stress out over it and try to think of how to get through it and then that reminds me of something else and so on......IDK what the hell I am going to do with my mind. The Bi-Polar is kicking my ass, so is the panic/anxiety disorder.....then, you add in the Agoraphobia and I start totally freaking.....adding to all that, my pain levels are high and my meds aren't working correctly..... I am worrying about a lot of my friends and family. I wonder how so many people in a family can be so far apart and how they lie to each other and are two-faced and could give a shit about one another.....it seems that I am closer to friends I have never met than I am to most of my family. Then, you have the part that many in my family either don't believe in my diagnosed illnesses or they don't care and they are just plain sick of it. Then, two attorneys that are absolutely shocked that Social Security denied me with all my medical problems....and now there is nothing I can do, so we are strapped for money forever now. How are we going to live like this, seriously? Then, I can't go to the Doctors I need to go to because of the large deductible I have monthly, so I have things that aren't being treated properly. It's starting to really piss me off. OMG, my mind is going a million miles per minute and now I have to stop typing because I can't hold my arms up any longer because of the pain. Oh well...who cares anyways.....this is just for my benefit to just vent a bit at 3am.....UGH